I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
