I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
