Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
