I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
