It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just puked most of my soul out..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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