I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
