Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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