Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
