Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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