Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
