I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
