Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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