tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
