Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
