Your mouth is God's brothel.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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