It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
