So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
