i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
