He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
