last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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