in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
