She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
