you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
