So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
