They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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