I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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