I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
