Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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