I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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