reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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