If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
