There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
