the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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