dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
