i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
