You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
