I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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