i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So vagazzling was a success
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
