Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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