I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
