We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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