remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
