Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
