he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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