Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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