Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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