I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
