yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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