I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do herpes really smell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
