I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
