Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
