He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
