I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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