Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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