okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
