Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
