It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
